Understanding the Default Mode Network – and Why It Matters for Our Children
When we think of a child sitting quietly, staring out of a window, or lying on the sofa “doing nothing,” it’s tempting to imagine their brain has temporarily powered down. In reality, one of the most important systems in the brain is working at full speed. This system is called the Default Mode Network — the DMN — and it shapes a child’s inner world far more than we might realise.
The Default Mode Network becomes active whenever we are not focusing on a task. It’s the brain’s automatic background mode, switching on when we daydream, reflect, think about the past, plan for the future, or imagine what others might be thinking or feeling.
At these times, the DMN supports things like:
• Our sense of self and personal story
• Our ability to imagine, predict, and reflect
For most securely attached children, this inner space is gentle, safe, even comforting. Their mind wanders towards curiosity, creativity, hopes, and everyday memories.
For children who have experienced trauma or disrupted attachment, the Default Mode Network often feels very different. Instead of defaulting to calm or imagination, their brain may drift toward fear, shame, confusion or danger. Memories that should be firmly in the past may feel painfully alive. Everyday silence becomes room for the mind to replay worries, threats, and old experiences that the child hasn’t yet made sense of. Their “default” is not a peaceful resting space – it is a difficult, sometimes frightening place to be.
This is one of the reasons why emotional regulation can be such a challenge for looked-after children. If the DMN is filled with unsettling thoughts and feelings, then moments of quiet will not soothe them; they may actually intensify distress. This is also why a child may suddenly react, lash out, or become withdrawn “out of nowhere”. It isn’t out of nowhere at all. It is coming from the internal world their brain returns to whenever things go quiet.
Understanding this helps us see behaviour in a new light, particularly around the issue of screen time. Many carers notice that children can become extremely attached to phones, games consoles, or YouTube videos. On the surface it can look like avoidance, obsession, or poor habits. But when we consider the Default Mode Network, a different picture emerges. Screens offer constant stimulation — noise, colour, movement, predictable rewards — all of which pull the brain out of the Default Mode Network and into focused attention. In simple terms, screen time stops the mind wandering.
For many looked-after children, screens can feel regulating because they:
• Stop painful thoughts from resurfacing
• Prevent the DMN from drifting into fear or shame
• Offer a sense of control and predictability
For some children, this escape is not a luxury but a form of self-protection. The alternative is being alone with thoughts and feelings that are overwhelming. So while screen overuse isn’t healthy in the long term, it makes emotional sense. It serves a purpose. It stops the difficult inner narrative from taking over.
This is where therapeutic caregiving becomes so important. Through warmth, attunement, playful connection, and acceptance — the foundations of The Tree House Way — carers slowly help the child rebuild a safer internal world. Over time, the Default Mode Network becomes less threatening. The child does not have to cling to screens to block out fear, because the fear itself begins to soften. Relationships, rather than devices, become the source of comfort and regulation.
This change doesn’t happen quickly. It happens through repeated moments: the carer who reflects feelings calmly, the adult who stays present when the child pushes away, the relationship that remains safe during dysregulation. Each moment sends a new message to the brain: you are safe enough now to rest.
A helpful way to think about this is that many of our children don’t yet have an internal “safe space.” They rely on external distractions — especially screens — to keep painful thoughts at bay. But with consistent, therapeutic care, we help them build that inner safety for themselves. Eventually, the quiet moments become less frightening. Their Default Mode Network starts to mirror the safety of the relationships around them, and their brain learns a new default setting.
