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A birth child’s perspective

Alisha-Mai has written this excellent article for Children of Foster Carers month. She grew up in a fostering household and believes that the experience has really changed her for the better. In fact, Alisha-Mai is now planning to study Child Psychology in the hopes of working in the field in the future.

“Many people are misguided in believing that fostering has a negative impact on the birth child. This is certainly untrue, from my perspective of watching my own parents nurture and care for foster siblings. As a birth child of foster carers I spent most of my childhood learning about the complexity of my foster siblings, and I became increasingly more aware about why we had to be parented slightly different to accommodate their individual needs. Growing up around foster children opened my eyes and raised my knowledge of how no one child is the same.

Every time a new child came to live with us I made them feel wanted because they previously hadn’t had the same opportunities I had, which inspired me to give them what I could. For example, the very first thing I would do is show them around to put them at ease. I would talk to them and try to get to know things, such as their favourite animal or what their favourite colour is. Playing board games with them was also something I did as it was great to watch them engage in something so enthusiastically. Watching them interact with the rest of the family also interested me as I got to observe their body language. It helps you adjust to how they might prefer to be spoken to or how they want you to treat them and you get to see their personality. With foster children it’s all about anticipating how they are feeling so that you can base your actions around that.

“I have made newfound bonds that will last a lifetime with some of my foster siblings who keep in contact. Fostering has ensured that I am never alone and there is always someone to talk to.”

I would recommend fostering to everyone who has birth children as it develops empathy. Seeing foster children develop and embed themselves into our family is such a beautiful thing to me as it really does help you become better in yourself. You feel more emotionally stable and like you can open up because you know that your parents will forever understand because you and the foster sibling have received an abundance of love. Fostering does not only give a child a home but also helps the birth children to become emotionally intelligent because your understanding of emotions naturally betters itself the more you observe.

My belief is that, not only did my mum fostering really benefit the children, it also solidified my social skills and developed my emotional understanding of how the difference in childhood changes children’s actions in day-to-day life. From the perspective of me- a birth child- I want you to read this knowing one thing, I believe fostering can really help children in such a positive way, giving them a better understanding of all situations in life.”