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Expect It: Understanding Behaviour in Children Who Have Experienced Trauma

As foster carers, one of the most important things to remember is this simple phrase: “expect it.” Expect challenging behaviour. Expect emotional outbursts. Expect withdrawal. Expect confusion, mistrust, or testing of boundaries.

But why do these behaviours happen? Children who have experienced trauma, loss, or inconsistent care often express their feelings through actions rather than words. Behaviour becomes their language — a way of coping, protecting themselves, or testing whether it’s safe to trust again.

When we “expect it,” we shift our perspective. Instead of seeing behaviour as deliberate defiance or rejection, we see it as communication. A child who refuses comfort might be scared of being hurt if they show vulnerability. A child who pushes boundaries may be trying to feel in control in a world that has often felt unsafe.

What this means for carers:

  • Stay curious: Ask yourself what the child’s behaviour is telling you.
  • Remain calm and consistent: Your steady presence is the safe base they need.
  • Respond, don’t react: Meet the underlying need, not just the behaviour.

Remember, challenging behaviour is not a reflection of your parenting, nor is it personal. It’s a natural response to their experiences. By expecting it, understanding it, and responding with care, you help children feel seen, safe, and supported — and slowly, they begin to rewrite their story.

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Expect It: Understanding Behaviour in Children Who Have Experienced Trauma

Rob tells us why, as foster carers, one of the most important things to remember is this simple phrase: “expect it.”