Helping Children Heal: The Power of Safety and Support

The Brain Under Stress

Children who have been exposed to abuse or neglect often live with constant feelings of fear and anxiety. Their brains are constantly on alert, preparing them for fight, flight, or freeze in response to perceived threats. This is due to a heightened stress response system where the amygdala (the brain’s fear centre) is overactive, and the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for calm decision-making) doesn’t work as effectively.

As a result, children may react intensely to situations that others might consider minor. These reactions can look like aggression, withdrawal, or intense emotional outbursts. What’s happening underneath is a biological response: the body’s stress hormone, cortisol, is elevated, which keeps the child in a state of high alert and makes it harder for them to feel safe.

Surviving Through Behaviour: The Dopamine Cycle

In many cases, the behaviours children use to cope with threats—such as rage, fighting, or flight (running away)—were actually survival strategies in their past abusive environments. When a child responded with aggression or by shutting down in a threatening situation, it may have helped them avoid further harm or escape a dangerous situation.

When this happens, the brain releases dopamine, a “feel-good” neurotransmitter that rewards the behaviour. This release of dopamine gives the child a sense of relief or control, reinforcing the behaviour. In other words, because the child survived the threat using this behaviour, their brain learned to associate it with safety or success, even if it was a reaction driven by fear. Over time, this can create a cycle where the child continues to use these behaviours in new situations, even when they aren’t in immediate danger.

This is why carers may see the same behaviours repeat in the home, even when the child is not facing a direct threat. The child’s brain is stuck in this survival mode, and the body’s need for dopamine can drive them to use familiar coping mechanisms, such as anger, withdrawal, or running away.

Your Role in Helping the Child Heal

As a foster carer, you have the opportunity to help the child break this cycle. Every time you help a child feel safe, you are not just offering comfort—you’re changing the way their brain responds to stress.

When a child is in a state of fear, the body’s fight or flight response is triggered, releasing adrenaline and cortisol. Over time, this constant surge of stress hormones can negatively affect brain development and emotional regulation. But when you provide moments of safety, calm, and reassurance, you help to counteract this.

Your calming presence, kind words, and consistent support release dopamine, which promotes feelings of pleasure and safety. Each positive experience with you helps the child’s brain shift away from the constant state of fear and towards a more regulated, balanced state. This process is slow but powerful. The more safe experiences the child has, the more their brain learns to associate calm with situations that once triggered anxiety.

Rewiring the Brain: How Safety Heals

It’s important to understand that this process is not instantaneous. Children who have experienced chronic trauma need many moments of safety to begin rewiring their brains. Every time you use de-escalation techniques or create a calm environment, you’re helping to reduce the effects of long-term stress.

Repeatedly offering support and reassurance, even in difficult moments, gradually helps the child’s prefrontal cortex (responsible for managing emotions) become more active. This allows the child to process their emotions in a healthier way, reducing the constant state of anxiety and helping them to better manage their feelings.

The Power of Trust and Control

One key way to support a child is by giving them a sense of control. Many children who have suffered abuse feel powerless. Providing them with choices—such as deciding when they want to talk or how they want to calm down—helps them feel more in control of their environment. This, in turn, can reduce feelings of helplessness and anxiety.

By offering consistent, safe experiences, you help the child start to believe that not every situation is a threat. This shift is essential for healing, as it helps them move away from a fear-based response to a more balanced emotional state

The Long-Term Impact

The more opportunities a child has to feel safe, the more likely their brain chemistry will begin to change. Over time, the levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) can decrease, and the brain’s fear response will become less intense. Instead of living in constant survival mode, the child will learn to respond more calmly to challenges, with the support of a loving and understanding adult.

Your efforts, though sometimes exhausting, are making a profound difference. You’re helping to rewire the child’s brain, providing them with the tools they need to feel safe, secure, and more emotionally resilient.