Christmas can be a wonderful time of year, but for children and young people in foster care, it can stir up a lot of emotions. They might feel excited, overwhelmed, or even a bit sad—it’s all normal. There are plenty of simple ways foster carers can help them feel supported and included so the Christmas holidays can be a happy time for the whole family.

Chat about what Christmas means

Not every child has had a traditional Christmas. They might not have had stockings, trees, or gifts before, so it’s important to talk about what they can expect with you. Ask about their past Christmases, good or bad, and see if there’s something from their traditions you can bring into yours.

Write a letter to Santa

If this is their first Christmas with you, writing a letter to Santa can help reassure them that Santa knows where to find them on Christmas Eve. Plus, it’s a fun way to get them into the Christmas spirit.

Expect big emotions

Christmas can bring up a lot for children and young people — especially if they’re missing their family or worrying about them. Some children might feel out of place in your home during such a family-focused holiday. It’s a very sensitive situation and extra effort should be made so that they don’t feel they are treated differently to other kids in the house and that they feel included. It’s a really difficult time for our children, so remember to use PACE when you are acknowledging their feelings.

Stick to routines where you can

Kids thrive on routine, and Christmas can be a whirlwind. Try to keep things predictable, and if plans need to change, give them plenty of warning. A Christmas calendar or countdown can help them feel prepared. Have a chat about any worries they have around your family plans, or situations you know they struggle with, and ensure you include their wishes about what they’d like to do and who they’d like to see.

Keep visitors manageable

Big groups and lots of people coming to your home can be overwhelming, especially if the child is still getting to know you and your extended family. Keep gatherings small and let them know who’s coming. A heads-up about who the visitors are can help them feel less anxious.

Be mindful about alcohol

If a child has experienced adults misusing alcohol or drugs, even the sight of someone drinking can be scary and very triggering. Be upfront about what to expect and reassure them that everything will be handled responsibly.

Reduce pressures around gifts

Getting lots of presents can be overwhelming for some kids. Spread out gift-opening if needed and don’t expect a particular reaction – our kids might feel unworthy or unsure about how to respond. They may even respond negatively due to feeling undeserving. Focus on making the experience relaxed and pressure-free. Give them a fun gift that they’ve been really looking forward to, this can be such a memorable experience and shows that you care.

Plan family contact

If it’s possible, help arrange for them to see or call their family around Christmas. Not being able to check in with loved ones can make Christmas harder for them and increase worry and guilt. Work with your SLW and the child’s Social Worker to make this happen if you can.

Respect their traditions

Every child has their own history, culture and diversity, and that includes Christmas traditions. Find out if there’s something special that they’d like to do or something that is important to them — like making a card for their mum or including a favourite food. Little gestures like this show that their past matters too.

Make them feel part of the family

Small things go a long way in helping kids feel like they belong. Give them their own stocking, involve them in decorating, or let them help with holiday prep. A special job or tradition can help them feel like they’re truly part of the celebrations.

Let them help with Christmas shopping

Some kids might worry about whether there will be enough food or if they’ll like what’s served. ‘Christmas dinner’ can often look very different to the meals we eat at other times of the year, so this may also need some preparation and explanation, this can include how many courses are served or how the table is laid. Taking them along for the food shopping or letting them share their preferences can ease those worries and make them feel included.

Be ready for surprises

Having a few extra gifts and supplies on hand means you’ll be ready to make anyone feel welcome, even on short notice, and to help where a friend/ neighbour may have overlooked getting a gift for an additional child you are caring for.

Remember potential triggers

Christmas time brings a lot of changes in the environment around us, try to remember that some small or ‘typical Christmas items’ and sensory changes can have a traumatic and unconscious response from our children, relating to their past experiences – the scent of a Christmas tree, Christmas lights, the changes in temperatures on their skin, the darker evenings, smell and taste of different foods and drinks, Christmas songs and sounds, nativity plays at school etc.

Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect — it’s about making kids feel safe, cared for, and included. A little extra thought can go a long way in turning the holidays into something special for everyone.